Leadership is not a skill, it's who you are (and this one truth)

Edwin Friedman believed that good leadership has less to do with skill, knowledge, or tactics, and more with a leader's ability to feel and navigate the emotional landscape of the group. This is one of my favourite quotes about leadership because it speaks to a deep, human truth.

Sidenote: You can always tell something strikes at a deep truth when it explains both the good and the bad. In this case it explains why people follow someone, but also:

1. Why leaders lose their influence

2. How bad/evil people can grow followings

Dictators, cult leaders, lying politicians are all easily explained once you understand how our emotions play into who we follow (and we all follow someone, in some part of our life).

Bringing this back to work, and specifically product management. The rule of thumb for leadership is speak the truth, even when uncomfortable.

If you're a product manager and your product isn't working out — e.g. the metrics are ugly, it's not growing, etc. — your reflex might be to spin a story to convince your team things aren’t that bad and there’s nothing to worry about. You might have the good intentions of keeping people hopeful and motivated but ironically you'd only further demoralize them and lose their trust.

The worst thing a leader can do is contradict what the group already feels. Leaders who do so risk being seen as too clueless to see the problem, or perceived as thinking the team is — both are bad. When individuals feel their leaders are out of touch with their reality, they find someone else to follow.

The best thing you can do is match your words to people’s feelings. This doesn't require any special skill, actually the opposite. It requires high EQ and self-confidence. This is why we often find "unlikely leaders" emerging with great support, and also people in high-up positions with none.

Leadership is not about creating a truth, it’s about facing the one already there (and in the case of visionaries, showing one that's possible) and offering a clear view of the way forward. It's about being the first to speak the truth of your group, even when it's uncomfortable. This is how leaders build teams that are resilient, dedicated, and can face difficult challenges.